A few years ago I attended a silent retreat for five days. I’d been before and absolutely loved every minute of the time deepening into stillness. We rose early for yoga at 6:15am, after which there were four 45-minute seated meditation sessions and three 45-minute walking meditations spaced throughout the day with a few sessions of daily instruction and a Dharma talk – the Buddha’s teachings for the path to enlightenment. However, towards the end of the retreat I was catapulted out of my meditation practice as if I’d run headlong into a brick wall. It was so sudden I nearly burst into tears there and then.
As everyone else was still sitting quietly, it hit me that I wanted to leave the room kicking and screaming. Looking back on it now it makes me smile because I quickly came to understand that I was sick of silence. I wanted to make a noise, I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be noticed and I wanted to be heard. I had hit a wall in my meditation practice as I connected deep within. Afterwards, I asked to see one of the retreat leaders to help me work through what had happened as I could feel anger arising inside myself.
I began to realise that I had spent much of my childhood in enforced silence. Those of you who know me well will not be surprised to know that I was constantly on punishment for talking after lights out while at prep school! We were only allowed to talk at break times; meals were more often than not eaten in silence as well as lesson times and from the moment we stepped onto the bottom step of the stairs to our dormitory until we stepped off again in the morning.
Silence at home was uncomfortable because my parents’ relationship was not good. Both of my parents used silence as punishment and it carried the weight of unspoken words, of anger and disappointment. My father used to stop talking to me for years at a time and although with my mother it was only for a few months at a time, it was more regular. So my learnt behaviour was that silence was not a great space to be in, especially because once it was over we weren’t allowed to discuss why it had happened – which of course meant that it was more than likely to happen again in the future.
It took me many years to learn how to feel comfortable in the silence at home as it hadn’t been a safe space to be in, but as much as I love the noise of the hustle and bustle of the outside world going on around me, I also revel in the moments I choose to be still, to sit in silence and enjoy my meditation practice. This didn’t happen overnight but gently taking one step at a time, giving myself permission to not be okay with the silence, helps to make it more available to me.
We all have good days and bad days whatever it is we are doing. Some days I’ll whizz through my admin feeling very pleased with myself and other days it’s like wading through treacle. It can be similar with my meditation practice; some days I’ll be Little Miss Zen and other days my mind is so busy that I need to give myself permission to go and do something else and return to it later in the day when I feel more settled.
Whether you are a meditator or not it is important to allow yourself time just to be. It might be while out on a walk or perhaps enjoying a jigsaw puzzle – it’s about allowing thoughts to come and go, giving yourself time to daydream, to ponder on the ‘what ifs’ of life. It isn’t healthy to be constantly on your hamster wheel seeing how fast you can go because in time the momentum and speed will carry you forward to places you truly don’t want to go.
With the school holidays and Easter fast approaching it is important to carve out some ‘me time’ – that precious time to nurture yourself and recharge your batteries. Gifting yourself time to do absolutely nothing in particular can be the most joyful experience. I always remember being told that Albert Einstein had his eureka moments whilst daydreaming. In stepping away from his doing, in allowing himself time to rest and relax, the ideas dropped into his consciousness.
I don’t know about you, but certainly some of my best ideas come to me when I’m in the shower or out walking in nature – but notably not when I’m trying to think of them! Because I believe that we are all guided I also like to ask the Universe for support and ideas and many of you know that I’m often asking my guides and/or my angels for assistance. Whether you believe it or not, why not give it a try? You might be amazed as to what ideas or answers come into being. Give it a go… I dare you!
Healing and meditation are excellent ways to assist you in learning to connect with your own inner stillness, to be comfortable in the silence. Assisting you in opening and connecting to your own eureka moments, to be all that you truly are, learning to make space for yourself to fulfil your hopes and dreams. Enabling you to soften, open and expand your heart space, learning to know yourselves on a soul level.
As you deepen your connection into your own heart, you connect to the essence of who you truly are and you begin to shine your light out into the world. I invite you to connect ever more fully to your authentic self; connect deep within and give yourself permission to enjoy the silence.
I hope that what I have shared with you helps you and makes you want to know yourself at the level of your beautiful, wise and shining heart and that it helps you to navigate through your daily life with grace and ease.
Please do get in touch if you have any questions or if you’d like my support. I’d love to assist you on your healing journey and guide you through empowering meditations as you connect ever more deeply into who you truly are. I love holding space for each and every one of you. Contact me on +61 4 2451 8884 or email hello@pippaneve.com.
Photo by Charles Postiaux on Unsplash
